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THAT PMS RAGE!!!

Isn’t it the worst when your husband dismisses everything you are complaining about because he finds out it’s that time of the month? But then, after the few days of rage, don’t you find yourself chuckling at your behavior and asking yourself why you were overreacting? Is PMS a time women go psycho, is it overreacting? Or are the messages through our emotions necessary for species survival?

Well, I have news for you! You weren’t overreacting! In Julie Holland’s new book, Moody Bitches: The Truth About the Drugs You’re Taking, the Sleep You’re Missing, the Sex You’re Not Having and What’s Really Making You Crazy, she argues that these hormonal fluctuations help women achieve balance and gauge the influence other people have in their lives.

It is adaptive she says, for women to be emotionally sensitive. ‘We may be smaller and weaker than our mate, but we can sense when things are going to get ugly.” Our sensitivity enables us to take care of those in our charge – Knowing how to avoid bad situations like when he’s going to leave us, or when we or our children are in danger.

Julie writes about the ‘Wisdom of Hormones’. Estrogen allows us to be most accomodating and alluring during our fertile periods (when ovulating), but when our estrogen levels plummet during the menstrual phase, we reassess and can evaluate our options when someone is not meeting our needs.

In other words, perhaps that monster, in us, is the real us, the one who can see the necessity to escape or self-protect.

Julie says anger, sadness and irritation may be unpleasant, but they’re necessary to improve your environment and your status. We SHOULD get uncomfortable when we’re taken advantage of, abandoned or manipulated, so we can correct the situation. These emotions help express our primal fears and are there to protect us and our kin.

Since the 1990s women have been taking psyche meds to become stable and less sensitive. Sometimes medicine is the best answer, but perhaps they are being used as quick fixes to suppress our perceived ‘volatility’, ‘hotness’ and ‘hysteria’.

Old movies display hysterical females and reasonable men who take charge and are slightly condescending. Now women become formidable and ‘stable’ like men want them to be, but at what price? Our kids being stuck in day care from the age of two, while we become the entrepreneur in the work force mirroring our male counterparts? Sometimes this is a necessity but our approach does not have to be masculine. We should appreciated for our sensitivity, the special way we have compassion and  care for our customers and most importantly, be able to use our emotions and strengths to provide for our families with that feminine touch. It’s time to reclaim our hormones, our emotions and our femininity! That way we will be able to balance our lives between work and family in a more authentic way.

Women, take heed; Embrace who you are, and all your emotions in their entirety. But on a precautionary note, learn how to use them with wisdom and balance to get the best results in your family life and marriage. Ask yourself if this particular emotion is serving you , but never dismiss it. Your emotions are your truth. Indeed PMS rage may be a necessary evolutionary adaptation for survival.For it is only through chaos that change occurs.

Counteract mood swings by turning to natural remedies instead of reaching for that pill. The further we get from what is natural in our lives, the sicker we become. And how true that is. Follow the 4 following easy steps to achieve better life balance:

  1. learn to meditate and listen to your soul.
  2. Learn to embrace the parts of yourself you don’t like and learn to love yourself.
  3. Minimize technology and maximize close connections, family, the outdoors, music laughter and fun.
  4. Think of alternatives before popping that feel good pill. A good walk in the sunshine could be just the fix you need!

(This blog was adapted from Psychology Today, April 2015: Q & A.)

Judi Wolder is a Life Coach working in the Orange County Ca area – namely, Irvine, Tustin and Santa Ana. I focus on women’s issues; balancing work and family, relationships, stress, emotional fluctuations.

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